Why?

That is the question that I find myself asking too many times each day...Well, actually, not every day thank goodness! But this morning, as we sat in the hotel lobby eating breakfast, Ethan recited a big portion of Shrek in hid loud voice. I tried to interrupt him and engage him in his current surroundings, but to no avail.

Why? - That is all I could think as I held him when we got back to the room and told him how sorry that I am. I am so very sorry that he is locked in this world of autism. I can see how smart and strong-willed he is~I just wish I could channel that into something positive.

Why? - Another thought that I had as I thought of the tears my husband held back as he foumd out our third child will be a girl. We are very happy to welcome her into the world and into our family, but those dreams that he had to continue his name and all the other father/son things were crumbled yet again.

Why? - Is this disease happening to our kids? To my sweet. lovable little boy....(tears)

Anyways, I must move on now for me, my sweet little boy that has autism, my adorable little girl who understands him and consoles him at every bump and my little sweet pea in my belly. Whoa - I am truly blessed!


So - I am not sure, but maybe these entries are stemming from a need to vent and also a need to turn it around and focus on the positive? We will see, for right now it is helping me and I hope that some day it will help others and maybe even Ethan.

We are currently living in DC in a 2 bdrm suite hotel room. We are making this sacrifice to be with Eric and to be together as a family. It has been like an extended vacation. I have learned alot from it and have enjoyed DC! I can't lie though - I am ready to get my things back and have a home.

We leave in about 3.5 weeks for Texas. I am very excited and have high hopes for a glorious fall/winter with our friends and family. I am curious if this will sway us from setting up roots in Colorado? Only time will tell... stay tuned.

When we arrive in Texas, Ethan and I will check out 2 ABA/autism schools that I have found. Both seem pretty good, as much as you can tell over the phone. I am hopeful that we can find a place like The Joshua School and Miss Kendra.

We are going to try out the Rockwall School first, but we are thinking that he may need more one on one support during this last critical year of healing.

My next challenge is to get him a DAN! doctor. I really don't want to go through all of the testing again, but I am not sure what else to do. I am going to at least set up an appt and then go from there. Dr. Lawlis - let's try him!

Thanks for listening, or not, I needed it and feel like I can now conquer my day.

One thing that I learn about myself - I jsut need to talk things out with someone. Usually it's my Mom, but this 3 hour time difference as limited our talks lately... Too bad my hubby isn't really a talker!